The Labworks

Mathias

[melodramatic] Well... well... well... [Confident]We meet again! For the first time! [confused] erm, for the last time?!

Bradford

[dismissive, sighs] Mathias, you're not making any sense.

Mathias

[exasperated, over the top, hurriedly] Oh I am making PERFECT sense! YOU are not making any sense. [emphatic]One can even say that YOU are being sense-less.

Bradford

[concerned]Mathias, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you feeling ok?

Mathias

[sad] I'm sad. [bored]I'm also bored [sad]But mostly sad. [confused]Also... hungry? [energetic]When was the last time we ate something Bradford?

Bradford

[exasperated, hurriedly]30 minutes ago. When you shoveled that bag of fries down your gullet.

Mathias

[dismissive]I don't remember that.

Bradford

[dismissive]Mathias, when was the last time you remembered anything?

Mathias

[confused]I don't remember

Bradford

[resigned][sighs]Yeah, that checks out.

Mathias

[pause][mischievous]Hey Bradford?

Bradford

[annoyed]Yes, Mathias?

Mathias

[mischievous, smiling]Do you want to order some fries Bradford?

Bradford

[impatient]Just... shut up about the fries for one sec. [emphatic]Look over there, quick!

Mathias

[bored] What am I looking at?

Bradford

[whispering]That guy over there. Does he look like our suspect?

Mathias

[yawns][bored][mumbles]He looks like the guy who delivers bags of French fries

Bradford

[Angry]MATHIAS!!

Mathias

[defensive]ok, ok, sorry. [confident]Let me take a look. The ugly bald guy?

Bradford

[Flabbergasted] What ugly bald guy?

Mathias

[cheeky]oh sorry, I was looking at you.

Bradford

[Angry] MATHIAS!!

Mathias

[cheeky, confident]That is my name.

Bradford

[angry]Thats it! You think everything’s a damn joke, Mathias! We’re knee-deep in a homicide and you're cracking one-liners like it’s open mic night. [Very Angry] One day, your dumbass jokes are gonna get us both killed, and I swear I’ll haunt you with a laugh track. Now shut up and put your clown shoes in drive.

Mathias

[pause]...[talking to himself]Well that was hurtful... [boisterous] You know very damn well my clown shoes are at the shoe shop being fixed.

Bradford

Deleted voice

[gun shot]

Transcript:

[laughing]This is wild! [chuckles] And really impressive. [Curiously]Tell me darling, how were you able to pull this off so effortlessly?[energetic] Wait wait, don't tell me. [Whispers] You have a secret persona that you can summon at will.[assertive] THATS it. No other explanation. And that pirate accent! Let me try to do it.[Clears throat] Ahem[string pirate accent] Arrrrr matey! I am the evil pirate king who will [laughing] ok I sound ridiculous. I'm going to stop now. [phone ringing] [Cautiously] Wait, hold on a second[softly] Someone is calling me.[assertive] This should only take a second. [brashly] Hello? Hey Jim. [pause] [whispers] Jim likes to hear the sound of his voice [firmly] Yes Jim I'm here. [whispers in an annoyed manner] Seriously, he loves the sound of his [rattled] no, no Jim, I wasn't talking to you. [apologetic]You weren't supposed to hear that Jim[hurriedly] [quick speech] Anyway, I have to go [phone hang-up beep][sighs][regretfully] I shouldn't have said that. [determined] Oh, well, whatever. I'm moving on. [sings] I'm moving on! NOTHING is going to stop me now! [loud fart] [sheepishly]oops, sorry. I farted. [strong French accent]It iz a perfectly normal thing to do, no? [disgusted] [groans] Oof, that really smells bad... [apologetically][softly] ok, that requires an apology. Sorry about that. [sigh of relief] Well, at least I feel better. [sarcastically] Smell not withstanding. [confidently]Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, were talking about me. [confused] Whats that? We weren't? [Angrily] [shouting] Well that makes me mad! We should ALWAYS talk about me!! [tired] [sighs] Oh, who am I kidding, I don't even like me. [Crying] I don't like me. I don't like me at all [Laughing] ok really, thats absurd. [confidently][assertive] I LOVE me. What's not to love?! [interrupted][surprised] what's that?! [irritated] [annoyed] You don't think I'm all that?! [evil villain monologue voice] Well then I will show you the SPECTACULAR extent of my power to [sheepishly]what's that?! [mischievously]oh you love me?! [giggles] Well of course you do darling, what's not to love? [frustrated sigh][dramatic] But this world we live in. Its... its... [hurriedly] [quick speech] Whats the word... [slowly and confidently] A GIANT piece of...[puzzled] Whats that? [Amazed] YES! A GIANT piece of turd! [slyly]You always find the right... [confused] [hesitantly] umm, the right... [brashly] WORD! YES. You have a masterful command of the English language. [heavy Russian accent] Yes, a good command of the English language which [phone rings] [interrupted] [annoyed] hold on. Jim is calling again [Brashly] YES, Jim?! [whispering] Why won't he stopped calling?! [Brashly] NO, Jim. [whispering quickly] hurriedly] I swear, I sometimes think he just calls me to [Brashly] Yes, Jim... [confused]What? [angry]I NEVER said that Jim! [Sheepishly] ok I DID say that. [gasps]I NEVER said [quietly] well actually yeah, you're right, I did say that.[Brashly]Sorry, Jim I have to go!